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April 25th, 2006
06:42 pm
"This is a beauty
of dissonance,
this resonance
of stony strand,
this smoky cry
curled over a black pine
like a broken
and wind-battered branch
when the wind
bends the tops of the pines
and curdles the sky
from the north.
This is the beauty
of strength
broken by strength
and still strong".
AJM Smith, on the Canadian landscape.
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06:38 pm
Let us probe the silent places,
Let us seek what luck betides us;
Let us journey to a lonely land I know.
There is a whisper on the night wind,
There is a star agleam to guide us;
and the wind is calling, calling let us go.
"The land you see, is a feeling."
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April 6th, 2006
12:04 am
Meg's going to spend the next how many years working on a cure...I'm going to spend next year writing fifty pages on why and how native symbolism was used in turn of the century Ontario summer camps. Oh ya, seems about equal to me...
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April 3rd, 2006
03:37 pm - breathing room.
"Be still, my heart, these great trees are prayers." Rabindranath Tagore
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March 25th, 2006
01:46 pm - "The other day, I met a bear..."
Here's another good quote I found in the paper today.
"Man is programmed to run away from the bear; not live with the bear."
We aren't made to deal with constant stress...but a lot of us do a pretty good job of creating it. Granted this was a quote from a man held in hostage in Iraq for 113 days so his level of constant stress was most likely a lot higher than my "this paper is driving me nuts," sort of stress, but still, maybe we should all just take a collective breath and realx.
It was also good to see Kale last night..and Alex...they found me by walking into my "backyard" and screaming my name until I waved from the window.
I'm going to go play pickup in the park...it's more fun and less stressful than this essay.
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March 22nd, 2006
03:13 pm - "Gosh! Don;t be such a little slunt!"
Slunt: it's my new favourite word. Use it, spread it amongst your friends.
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March 9th, 2006
01:11 am
1:11am...the library is beautiful this time of the morning. Word count: 10 964.
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March 2nd, 2006
08:18 pm - That one time, in the south of France...
In other, happier news, I survived my trip to Europe. It was amazing, I can't even begin to explain it. The first city we stayed in was Carcassonne in the south of France. Our hostle was within the walled city of a medieval castle, it was out of a fairy tale; life feels pretty wonderful when you can wake up and go for a jog within the walls of your own fortified city. Anyway, we were there for three days and played our first game an hour away in Toulouse. Toulouse is the rugby capital of France. The team was the second best in their division in France...the team was made up of massive, scary man beasts; I'm pretty sure they are bred for eating copious amounts of baguettes and playing rugby. Needless to say we lost. It was a great first game for me though so I don't care how we did. Then we drove down to Perpignan...on the Spain/France border. Here we were walking around, passed a rugby store, another rugby store, a store which sells shirts that say "suck me I play rugby" and then to an empty store front which housed a shrine to the next team we were playing. Awesome. We lost again. Here's an example of a typical conversation we had a few times "oh so are you girls here as groupes for a men's team?" no, we here on our own. "oh, are you here to watch Rugby?" no, we play it. The girls who play in Europe are a different kind of girl. Anyway, Perpignan was also amazing. Then we drove to Barcelona. I could tell you everything we did there but basically we: shopped, did this awesome bus tour and saw how incredible the city is, shopped, won our game and shopped. I may have bought not one, but two long,white winter coats and two brown bags...among other things. Alright, I just wanted to say I'm back and I loved it.
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07:42 pm - Kingston and Camp: both special little places on the edge of a lake.
Alright,so I just made the "I'm not coming back to camp call" to Heather...except she was at a camp committe meeting and I had to tell Dave instead. Gah. Not an easy call to make. I don't know if I've ever had to make this sort of decision before, I seem to have been lucky enough to A) know exactly what I want or B) somehow be able to do it all and not make a choice. This however, isn't so easy and I can't do everything I want to do all at the same time. I obviously love camp and I don't have this pressing feeling that I need to move on yet...but at the same time I can't stop feeling like I really just want to stay here. The Pros of Camp is that it's Camp, it's with all of you and it's amazing. The Cons of Camp are that I wouldn't be able to visit my best friend in Calgary, I couldn't spend time with my little sister, I couldn't play ultimate and I couldn't just do my own thing which is what I really think I need after this year. I'm always moving from one place to another and right now I just want to stay in Kingston, play some frisbee and just relax. I really feel like that sounds selfish but I sort of want what I want to do to be the focus of my summer rather than my job (I know camp isn't really a "job" job,but you know what I mean). Now, will four months of that drive me nuts? Maybe, but it has to be one or the other and if staying here keeps nagging at me then maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm not letting myself think about how much I'm going to miss you all and the kids and just being up there and I hate the thought of you all having a summer of memories that I can't be part of but I hope you know how important you all are to me. Dave said I should think about coming for a month and I know Heather will try to convince me but I don;t want to make that sort of committment now and either be there and want to stay longer, or be having a great time here and not want to go away for a month. Ok, that's about it.
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February 5th, 2006
11:34 pm - that's what friends are for...
I'd put my hand in any of your chest cavities, bomb or no bomb.
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January 12th, 2006
06:42 pm - I just love running, don't you?!
So today frisbee boy decides we should get over our "can we be just friends again?" tension by...wait for it...running and doing a bleacher workout after class. This fun adventure involved running for 25 min then down the bleacher steps, runnning lunges diagonally up across the seats, down again, up again etc. repeat along one side of the arena followed by lunges and leg cross-overs along the opposite side of the track. I know you can't really picture what I mean but just go with it. After three reps of this and some more jogging I wanted to die; he thinks I run fast though so I had to keep it up. Kailee 1 Frisbee Boy 0 (well he had more but I decided I had to knock him down a few) It was actually pretty fun, a good workout and a good non-awkward way to hang out in the end. Although, and I have to credit Alex for this, I can think of a much more enjoyable way to burn some calories. Ok, dinner, then waterpolo game then hopefully the Alehouse with Alex tonight. All in all life is slowly making its way back to normal, hopefully it stays this way for a week or two, that would be nice.
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January 9th, 2006
04:49 pm - " I'm back, with scars to show"
Fuck. Frisbee boy came over after our class today to "get his hat" super. Then suggests we go out drinking on Thursday or do dinner...I tell him that honestly, I don;t think us drinking together is a good idea yet, why he asks?...then we have Round Two of "the talk." Round Two was just as good/bad as Round One which happend a month ago. It's good that we can be honest with each other and I definetly respect what he says but honesty can really suck sometimes. I shouldn't care about him anymore but we just have too much fun and being with him is just so easy that I can't get him out of my head. He thinks he needs to figure himself out by himself for awhile, which I do understand but it still doesn't make it any easier for me and he can't expect me to just not care. I'm sitting there in class with him today wanting to get up and leave, obviosuly he can tell I'm trying to not talk to him too much hence the hanging out after. Oh! here's the kicker...after class our friend Peter asks is he can use us for a photo for the Phys Ed. news paper...sure, it's for an article about getting over the billion "how was your new year's?" conversations. Peter I don't think knows that Matt and I were "something." Anyway, he gets us to stand "ugh, could you two stand even closer, thanks" and pretend to talk...and then "now, pretend like it just got really akward, make an akward pose...perfect." Right, because the whole thing wasn't akward enough for us... Now, all of Phys Ed...I have a lot of Phys Eddie friends who know about matt and I, will get to see this on the front cover of their paper. I'm laughing at myself. Anyway, Attempt to Leave #1 ends in his "please give me a hug goodbye" fine. I don;t think he understands that fact that I can't just turn him off and hug him like he's my best platonic friend in the world. Then I get the "I feel like there's a barrier here still, " which turns in to Round Two Part Two "Return of The Talk"...anyway, a bit later we get Attempt to Leave #2 of which I apparently pass the "hug me like everything's ok now" test and he's says let's do dinner on thursday after class. Ok. Whew. I can't take too much of this...and we're going to be together in class and at practices and away at tournaments for the rest of the year...awesome. I'm glad he's so into us hanging out...I just hope either it goes back to how it was or I can surgically remove the "I like Matt" part out of my head. Alright, some Confederation history should help clear my mind as well as four hours of Walkhome tonight! Bye folks, it's be fun.
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12:15 am
I need to go to an all girl's school, I can't handle this stupid circus that's been going on all year. I love how small world Queen's is but this is getting to be too much.
Kailee "too many boys, too few brain cells" Novikoff
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January 3rd, 2006
06:44 pm - "your pre-application has been approved"
I would just like to say that my pre-application for grad school here has been approved....which means I am apparently worthy of actaully applying now. I just wrote to two profs basically begging them to write me a reference letter in time for the jan. 15 dealine. Here is my grad school rant. I want to go...but I think I only want to this year becaues I'm scared of not having something structured to do in September..and I want to play another year of frisbee with the girls because this year's nationals were rained out and we have such a solid team...and nats next year are in Halifax which I love. Ok, so yes, I would like to go but more so emotionally than academically. The only thing you might find intersting about this is that I want to study the history of Ontario summer camps and how they use native symbolism, "wilderness" and gender to construct social ideals and social control. Basically, it's all fun and games until the political correctness police show up. Honestly though, it's really interesting and not anti-camp at all as much as it is understanding the mindset of the period. In other news, today was uneventfull, spent some time fighting with a library computer to open a file I needed, fought with a french website to translate so I could read it, talked to the archives in NS about sending me a song I need and went to our archives and reasearched an old school...I know, all very thrilling things. For those of you who know my now coded names for people, I talked to frisbee boy today. I do so well with not caring until I talk to him. Damn you frisbee boy and your greatness. I told myself I hate it how other people control how I think about me...but then changed it to how I hate it that I let other people control how I think about me, which is different. Maybe my New Year's resolution will be to have a "I don't care anymore" button...but let's be honest, I don;t think that's going to happen. Oh well. Anyway, two updates after a year of livejournal stalking, you folks are pretty lucky.
PS. Jen Hanson, do not send Earless Ed a letter, I cannot deal with the consequences.
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12:56 am - This livejournal isn't going to update itself...
Alright folks, this one goes out to Alex, Britt and Jen...for all their pressure, taunts of updates I didn't have access to and genuine want and concern that I too must share the details of my life with you all...I bring you my first Livejournal post. First of all let me say that I am feeling a lot of pressure to make this good so if it's boring just blame it on the nerves. Ok, so like you must know by now, I'm here in Kingston twiddling my thumbs and trying to get some work done on my thesis. I want to say a huge thanks to Jen, Jenn, Ketch and Alex for beign here for New Years, I am too lucky to have you all as such good friends and even if I was adament that I almost died falling out of the shopping cart, you are always there to make me smile and be amazing. PS. Alex, I'm not going to lie, Hanson looked just as good as you in the Russian hat. But honestly, I had a great time with you all here, I'm so happy we have our adventures. So today hasn't been too amazing, althoguh I did have a glorious brunch of eggs benedict with my old housemates Kevin and Natalie. I think my body still hates me for drinking though since I felt like ass for the rest of the day. I just got back from seeing Narnia with my friend Jon...Jon by the way was my frosh leader in first year (aka my Gael) and he is also officially my 2nd of two Oshawa friends, our very own Darrin Elaschuck will always be my first. Darrin, by the way, refused to drive out to Kingston to go drinking with me tonight which I thought was unfair since I lugged his oh so heavy satallite thing around Best Buy on Boxing Day for hours and hours...and hours. PS just to let you know the kind of brilliance you're all reading, after leaving Best Buy through the back parking lot and driving past the store on the way out I said,"look, another Best Buy right there!" ...did I mention I've applied to grad school? Anyway, back to Narnia. It was very good...I am proud of myself for going since I usually hate that sort of movie and have so far refused to see any LOTRs at all..even if I was an Orc in Quest. So I'm sitting there in the movie thinking two things: 1) the beavers are helping the kids, beavers are a Canadian symbol, this is symbolizing Canada;s help to the British in the war PS. only North American beavers build dams...the European ones do not and at that point there were no more beavers left in England, they are only now trying to reintroduce them. and 2) how are we going to turn someone into a cenatur for Quest?! I think Narnia would be a great Quest. That takes me to the topic of camp...am I going back? I don't know, it depends a lot on getting into grad school...but if I'm not and you want to try to turn staff or the horses into cenaturs be my guest. Hmmm, what else can I talk about. I like Kale's idea that not everything needs to be discussed so maybe I will lead you to think that everythign I'm not talking about is a big mystery. Only some of you know the whole story of the circus that has been the past two months, we'll see what 2006 brings. I'm tired of being milk though, I'd like to be a non perishable food item for a bit. Alright, I need to sleep, tomorrow I get to go to the library and/or the archives...hopefully go running at somepoint as well since frisbee spring season training starts soon and I'd like to not die the first week back. Tomorrow night I also just somehow agreed to drink with my friend Aaron, which could have some intersting consequences...who knows, at least his name doesn't start with an M...Night everyone, stay safe, talk to you later.
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